Heidi, Virtue, Fasting

I'm taking a break from sifting through grief, to dive momentarily into what Heidi and I had been discussing during her last couple of years. It seems pertinent to Lent, and Holy Week specifically.  I'm not a theologian, I have no formal training in any of it, so take this as what it is: an amateur's ramblings. No doubt Heidi would say it far, far more accurately and better. You can take that up with God; I know I do.

In her final years, Heidi was pretty far down the rabbit hole of studying and seeking sanctifying virtue. I call it a rabbit hole because it extends as far as God might draw someone; the further in, the more He lives in you, until you are united with Him completely in the infinitude of Love. It sounds wonderful but every Christian knows, or should know, that union only comes through the cross - your own cross.

(Reminder: not a theologian) Having read Scripture, some of the Doctor's of the Church, and sat at Heidi's feet, it seems pretty clear to me that having been saved by grace, the goal of our lives is to be fully in the service of the King; to give at every moment our "Fiat" (Yes/Be it done until me according to your word). This necessitates that we disentangle ourselves from all that stands in the way of Love, in other words, growth in sanctifying virtue. This isn't something we achieve on our own, but rather as we allow the Holy Spirit to convict and compel us, He draws us into it. Heidi was both His pupil and my mentor. She received and offered. 

Where am I going with this? It's Holy Week. If you haven't fasted yet, there's still time!

I recently read a misunderstanding of Lenten fasting. The author was trying to understand why people fast during Lent and landed on it being a way of attempting a tiny taste of the suffering of Jesus for us. Not surprisingly, he was not impressed by the idea of giving up sweets, coffee, or media as sufferings akin to the crucifixion. 

The Bible is full of commands to fast. I'm pretty terrible at fasting, if I'm honest. But that begs the question, what is it and why do it? ...and there I leave you hanging; NOT a theologian!

But! I can give you my take: to grow in detachment from self(ishness)/appetites/desires/disorders, (including things that are good but may be misplaced in our life) for the sake of love and service of God. What did Jesus do for us? He gave his LIFE for us: total and complete detachment in the service of Love. When we fast or give up things during Lent, we are stripping away attachments and strengthening the muscle of detachment. This is not primarily so we can announce to the world, "I'm going off Facebook for 40 days!" but so that God can call us on to greater love; to use us in ways at which we might balk if we aren't attune to the voice of selfless love beckoning us further into union with Him. Fasting is directed by God, directed to God, and aided completely by grace for our good and the good of others.

I feel I should add a note: this doesn't mean we lose our identity, preferences, personality, etc. Rather, they become perfected, purified, increasingly reflecting the innocence and beauty of Eden. New Creations in Him. 

All of this circles back to Heidi. As she lay - still alive - in the hospital, she was stripped of her possessions, children, voice, and even her own body. We have no way of knowing what her awareness was during those days, or whether she experienced great or minimal suffering, physically or spiritually. But I found deep deep consolation and hope in the knowledge that Jesus had been leading her on the path of sanctifying virtue prior to this climb up the final mountain, and step after step she had given her "Fiat."

"Do you love me more than these?" was Jesus's question to Peter, and it is His question to us.